The Laughing Armadillo presents her views on World politics from a UK perspective.

Warning: The following content may be offensive to sexists, racists, homophobes, Conservatives, Republicans and sociopaths.
Over the next few months I will be concentrating mostly on the US primaries and subsequent elections. That's a whole lot of crazy for you to enjoy.

I'm worried for humanity, disturbed and furious.
I have become the Raging Armadillo.

Saturday 25 February 2012

Saturday 18 February 2012

USA Presidential Primaries - Santorum gaining momentum in run up to Super Tuesday

Mitt's phaser set to stun... Rick Santorum you're in so much trouble...

Of course by phaser I mean Super PAC and by stun I mean pay out massive amounts of money to say mean things on national television.

So things didn't go so great for Romney a couple of Tuesdays back (7th Feb). Rick Santorum took the Minnesota caucus with a massive 44.8% of the vote leaving Romney far behind with a disappointing 16.9% and in Colorado nudged just ahead of Romney with 40% to Romney's 35% - and by doing so wins delegates for that state who will go on to vote at the national Republican convention in the summer. Santorum also won with a landslide 55.2% in Missouri, who regardless of not having any delegates up for grabs (they decide their delegates later on) still went ahead with a vote anyway, many assuming they just like the press attention.

Sure he cares about 100% of American's, unless your a woman, a homosexual, an Atheist, a Muslim, a single mother... etc... etc...

Despite Romney still being favourite for nomination, Santorum's wins could be put down to the fact that these states are traditionally made up of very conservative, very Christian Republicans. Romney, who is a Mormon as well as being thought of as a moderate, if only because what he says contradicts his actions as Governor of Massachusetts, and the inevitable hate campaign that has made Gingrich very unpopular with housewives the nation over, has made Santorum seem like the most viable candidate. For the people of Colorado, Missouri and Minnesota its a bit like picking thrush over claymidia, because at least you know can predict and diagnose thrush. Ron Paul didn't do too bad either, coming in second place in Minnesota.
However, Paul did lose a little momentum having narrowly lost out to Romney in Maine, an area where Paul has a big following, 39% to 36%. Though Paul, ever the optimist, exclaimed that it was so close it was almost a tie. It was essential for Romney to win Maine after the losses he's suffered earlier in the week.
Turn out was slightly up on last year but it hasn't stopped people from analysing the crap out of it. Despite there being little or no correlation between apathy towards electing a nominee and the outcome of the actual national election, people have continued to discuss what low turn out might mean, and what high turnout might mean, well that's politics for you. All in all, the only useful piece of information I can deduce is that a lower turn out seems to mean landslide wins for Romney. Most Republican's assume that he will win the nomination. Its estimated that around 80% of Republican's would rather have a nominee who is likely to beat Obama i.e. moderate and Pokemon fan Mitt 'gotta catch 'em all' Romney, therefore labelling him the frontrunner. In states where its inevitable that he will win, apathy is high among registered Republicans and turnout is low – thus Romney wins. If there's the slightest inkling that he might lose, as there was in South Carolina, turnout rises as people believe they have more influence over the vote – thus Romney most likely loses. I hope I haven't lost you there, I'm a bit confused myself... Anyhow, Gingrich and Santorum decided not to campaign in Maine but still came out with a small percentage of the vote.

Meanwhile, all the mudslinging and arguing about who's more conservative, who's more concerned about the poor, who's paying his taxes, who's fucking his secretary, who's going senile etc... Obama is up in the polls. Pitted against Romney, Obama is seen to care more about the middle classes. Obama was never going to be a revolutionary. The establishment, let alone his upbringing, would never let him, and he was never going to bring economic prosperity to everyone over night, but if anyone's could land the metaphorical plane in the storm it's him. After all, America simply has to look towards the UK to see that a jump to the right in government while in the middle of economic 'recovery' will only serve to steer the plane into the side of a mountain. There are many of us in Britain who can see the impending cliff side and I know a handful of swing voters who wish they'd listened to me when I warned them that after 13 years in opposition the Tories missed a fat pay-check and their fat cat friends who only appear when their in power - they're not really interested in protecting the public from economic decline.
Furthermore, economic recovery isn't just about policy, its about consistency, and spending the first couple of years in office undoing everything from progress in women's rights, gay rights and healthcare seems to be higher on the agenda for conservative Republican's like Gingrich and Santorum than actually getting the country out of recession, which is likely to waste more time money than their spending cuts will ever save.

The candidates move on to Arizona and Michigan, and we'll know what happens there on the 28th. Romney could lose this one with Santorum hot on his heels and gathering conservative momentum. 


Once Romney's biggest threat, now Gingrich appears to have been sidelined completely after being battered to death by Romney and the power of the Super PAC, bombarding people with Gingrich's adultery, ethical violations as Speaker in Congress and his undignified resignation. His unpopularity has reached new heights with many urging him to drop out and give his support to Santorum. Now, whether Santorum can win the loyalty of conservative voters in the long run and beat Romney to become candidate, or Romney's mighty wallet and that of his filthy rich friend's comes down and squashes Santorum like a bug is a story that is still playing out. 

The latest attack ads from both sides...

But one thing's for sure, the longer this battle continues the easier and more baby-like sleep will become for President Obama.

And I leave you with the controversial, yet honest, comedian Bill Maher in a clip from his show back in October. Hypocrisy is rife in the Republican party... right down to the very belief system they use as a front for their prejudices.. FYI 'The pizza guy' Maher is referring to here is nominee drop-out, one time Tea Party favourite and proven serial groper Herman Cain who once owned a Pizza Chain in the US which he returned to profitability after axing thousands of jobs...

Monday 6 February 2012

USA Presidential Primaries - Florida and Nevada go for Romney

Its been a long week in politics.. Where o' where do I begin...

Well, everyone thought it would happen and sure enough it did. Romney won Florida with a resounding lead. So much so that the pressure for Gingrich to step down is mounting but Gingrich remains defiant, announcing after his loss in Florida that there's still 46 States to go. Well now there's 45 and he's still only won a single state in five, compared to Romney's three. Back in Florida Romney took the high road, well as high as it can be when there's Republican's involved, and declared that the metaphorical mud-flinging would not damage the Republican party's chance of winning but leave them prepared for Obama. Too right, it is preparation – preparation to repeat pre-meditated responses to very true accusations of hypocrisy, cover-ups and bare-faced lies. Romney might be able to convince Republican's that Gingrich is a bad egg – I know who I'd pick of the two if I had to – but only because Romney seems like a pragmatic weasel who could turn liberal at the slightest moral itch – But I don't think he's going to convince swing voters at the national election in November that he'll look after anyone but his millionaire pals if he makes it to the White House. And the Republicans have Gingrich to thank for that.

Florida Results
Romney
46.00%
Gingrich
32.00%
Santorum
13.00%
Paul
7.00%



Romney took Nevada with 48% of the vote – a state he's been popular with in the past. Its no surprise that front-runner Romney's campaign is gaining momentum and its fair to say that Gingrich is being abandoned. After being endorsed by drop-out and extremist Tea Party favourite Herman Cain in Florida he still lost. Cain withdrew after sex-abuse allegations and his endorsement was probably a bit of a poisoned chalice that looked a bit like one womaniser sticking up for another. Gingrich is very unlikely to pull a magic rabbit out of his hat and make people forget about his philandering, and abandoning not one, but two wives in times of poor health.
It was then rumoured that he was going to be endorsed by entrepreneur and everyone's favourite rich dick in a toupee, Donald Trump. But when the crucial moment came in Nevada, Trump climbed onto the Romney band-wagon.
Now it looks like even evangelists and hardened conservatives are turning their back on Gingrich, certain that Romney is the only viable candidate likely to beat Obama.
His losers speech in Nevada made for uncomfortable viewing to say the least. Here is a man positively at the end of his tether. He wants it so much. And don't tell anyone but he's probably in it for the money, after all he doesn't seem to talk about much else these days. Oh, and lying, something he has no part in...

Nevada Results
Romney
42.00%
Gingrich
26.00%
Paul
18.00%
Santorum
13.00%

And until tomorrow's results come through in Colorado, Minnesota and Missouri I'll leave you with a parody of crazy-ass Santorum's views on abortion.

Thursday 2 February 2012

USA Presidential Primaries - Florida sees rise in vicious Super PAC attacks


Super-PACS, lies and Videotape...

The run up to the Florida Primary the contest was clearly between front-runners Gingrich and Romney. With Romney ahead in the polls, Gingrich desperately clung to his victory in South Carolina with both chubby little hands. And was once again accusing Romney of traits I thought were just plain old fashioned conservatism. Gingrich has already been 'told off' as it were for attacking Romney's aggressive capitalist agenda. Now he's been accusing Romney of being anti-immigrant because Romney makes a case for legal rather than illegal immigration, something that Gingrich isn't exactly an advocate of himself. Of course, its all about preaching to the crowd you're in front of in this election. Florida has a large Latin American population, a sizeable fraction of which are registered Republicans and their votes count big time.
What Gingrich didn't seem to realise is how much it's hindered his own campaign, effectively isolating himself from factions of his own party and fuelling an unpopularity that has already convinced most of his party that he is incapable of winning in November against Obama.

So, here's what I find amazing about US elections – their financing through Super-PACS and the detrimental affect they have on broadcasting during an election year. Forgive me, my British up-bringing limits my understanding of this election tool. But here's a rough explanation:

PACS (Political Action Committees) are groups of people or organisations that lobby or campaign to elect individuals to government. These committees could only use up to $5,000 each to campaign. However, rich individuals, who didn't need the help of others had no limit to the amount of money that could be injected into their campaign. Over the years, in an attempt to ensure that less wealthy individuals could pool their money together towards an election campaign the Super PAC was eventually created. A committee can essentially raise as much money as they like for a particular candidate up for election as long as they campaign independently of the individual candidate.

What the term 'independently' means is anyone's guess...

Any how, with the money raised, these Super PACS have been causing havoc on the radio waves, TV channels and just about every walk of life for the common American. Between them, Romney and Gingrich's Super PACS forked out almost $12M before the election in Florida on Tuesday. The ads focus on smearing their opponents, and they're very good at influencing people's minds. Of course, if an ad airs 7 times in the space of a couple of hours during prime time, chances are you're going to pay attention to it at least once. I shudder to think how unbearable an election year can be for the average American, especially those that do not have the slightest interest in politics.

Here's just a sample from Restore Our Future (Romney's Super PAC - that, fyi, is filled with people who sat on the board of directors in many of his companies) and Winning Our Future (Gingrich's Super PAC - clearly borrowing a slice of Charlie Sheen's successful delusions of grandeur) respectively:




Other pre-Florida vote madness included; Santorum talking about how rape victims who fall pregnant should consider a child born of that rape as a gift from God. Gingrich promised he would colonise the moon by the end of his second 'and even less likely than a first' term in office. And Ron Paul went home to have a nap. The poor dear is 76 years old after all...