The Laughing Armadillo presents her views on World politics from a UK perspective.

Warning: The following content may be offensive to sexists, racists, homophobes, Conservatives, Republicans and sociopaths.
Over the next few months I will be concentrating mostly on the US primaries and subsequent elections. That's a whole lot of crazy for you to enjoy.

I'm worried for humanity, disturbed and furious.
I have become the Raging Armadillo.

Wednesday, 3 October 2012

Mitt Romney - Loving the 53%


Husband. Father. Mormon. Republican. Flip flopper. Tax avoider. Pragmatist. Part-Robot. Part-arsehole.

Mitt Romney is many things.

Presidential material he is not.

After a long drawn out period of 'Indecision' as Jon Stewart mockingly put it, Mitt was hailed as the saviour of the Republicans. A man so middle of road, so likeable, he could win the hearts of swing voters in the US – after all they truly decide elections... allegedly.

Except, he's not middle of the road – he may like to slip and slide all over it a little, but really he's planted firmly on the side of the 1%. A man so out of touch with voters (and reality in general) he thinks that, among the 47% of the population he's thrown on the scrapheap, working class white men on welfare in trailer parks up and down the US won't vote for him – He's “not interested in them”. But they do and they will – because their concern isn't adequate healthcare or contraception but is instead keeping immigrants who steal their American jobs out. And they're willing to support the man who supports the men who then outsource their American jobs abroad – and line their Swiss Bank accounts with money, that incidentally doesn't get taxed and doesn't actually contribute to the welfare that the good folks in the trailer parks receive because they were born into poverty, couldn't ever dream of going to college because its expensive and full of liberal atheist communists, while they have their hours cut back at the factory to maintain profitability and struggle to provide for their three children, the oldest of whom is pregnant and can't get an abortion or she'd better not show up for church next Sunday...

Romney pays less tax then most and seemingly lives in world where everyone has an equal chance at success, oblivious to the financial and psychological struggles so many people in poverty and working class backgrounds face.

Class struggle in America is once again becoming a reality, and Romney's rotting corpse of an election campaign is the most stark reminder that class consciousness still exists in America. It has defined this election more than any other. Years ago I attended a conference where one woman told us that she strived to share only good news about her homeland, and reassured us that Americans are finally waking up to foreign policy disasters, and domestic social and economic issues. While another win for Obama is not necessarily an alarm call, this ongoing debate about class, this distinction between the Romney's of the world and real people, is making American's less passive, less accepting that things will always remain the same and they should just shut up and get on with it.

The truth of the matter is that this election will not be decided by the undecided but by the apathetic. Obama won four years ago because people who had never voted before came out and made themselves heard. They need to keep doing that, only then will their confidence grow and they will have guts to look beyond the Red and the Blue candidates on the ballot sheet. Voter fraud measures are there simply to hinder the people who make the biggest difference from actually turning up to vote.

At this stage, its almost certain that Obama will win. He's leading in the polls at a critical time and I have it on good authority that Romney is currently less popular than George W. Bush – he's gone just one gaffe too far. And as I've said unashamedly countless times, I'm happy about Obama's lead. A win for Obama is, if nothing else, a win for affordable healthcare and the protection of women's rights and gay rights. He's not perfect, but the tragedy is there's no one safer to watch over those still sleeping, or jolt awake those lightest of sleepers.

Tuesday, 24 April 2012

2012's London Mayoral Elections - Why Ken deserves a second chance


With less than two weeks to go until London makes its decision, why I think Ken, and sanity, deserves another chance.

 Caption by: Brickie via Poster Builder

I understand the support for Boris in a kind of unhinged way. If you've ever seen Have I Got News for you, chances are you think he's endearing, bumbling and boyish. So is Hugo from the Vicar of Dibley but no one would hand him the opportunity to directly affect the lives of 8 million people. He's an upper class, deluded, 'in it for the publicity' attention monkey – probably one who's father labelled him a buffoon, yes a buffoon, and is now trying to prove him wrong. That's right, I said it, Boris has daddy issues! I'm guessing. Probably. 

Any how, yes, Ken's time in office was overshadowed by broken promises, party flipping and a series of ridiculous news reports about moments when his mouth made a brief disconnect with his brain - But a man like Boris Johnson should not be throwing stones in glass houses - having offended his fair share of people, including but not limited to entire nations and vast sections of society. He's been sacked twice for lying, once from the shadow cabinet and once while he was working at The Times.

Flaws aside, Ken has done a great deal for London and its only now that we see the true value.

The Congestion charge for example. Sure, its unpopular with drivers but then what isn't. One short drive through London and my dear old dad would point out every grievance he could muster to think of, be it the speed bumps, road works or the decibel level of the ambulances. Its title maybe misleading. It's not so much a congestion charge, more a London Tax. It hasn't reduced the traffic in London, nor the pollution levels but what it has done is raise a lot of money for the city. Money that Mr Boris doesn't want to use. When he scrapped the Western Extension of the Charge at the end of 2010 it cost Londoners over £58M a year in revenue – vital revenue that was keeping bus fares low for us common folk. Still, Boris' fancy pants school mates in Kensington and Chelsea were chuffed to bits.

And dare I say it, I miss the Bendy buses. I will be the first to admit that when they came out I was not happy – angry rants did ensue. I love double deckers. I'm 24 years old and I still desperately want to go and sit up-stairs and watch the city go by, especially when we're going into the city proper. And there are things I miss about the old Routemasters – mainly their windows that actually let in air during the sticky London summer. But Bendy buses – well – they did what no other bus in London can do. Give people space. Yes fare evasion was a problem, but look at all the people employed to police it. Notice the word employed – a state Boris thinks materialises merely by willing to do so.  He has no idea how important the Bendy buses were to everyday life in central London. Neither did any of us to be fair. Of course now they're gone we can see their true value. Right after the Double Deckers came in on the 436 and 12 route which I use often, I immediately noticed how full they always were. They don't fit as many people – approximately 90 at full capacity compared to the Bendy bus' upwards of 120 people. There's less space for wheelchair users and pram users. Less seats can be accessed by the elderly, heavily pregnant and those with children. Less space for students with heavy books, artists with huge portfolios and musicians with their instruments. I am none of these things at the moment, but I am a Londoner who often gets on a bus loaded with shopping and the absence of space downstairs is more than an inconvenience - it's often dangerous. The Bendy bus was damn handy and I'm honestly quite sad they're gone now.

People see him as the mayor representing the suburban London, but he's not done all too much for them either. Traditionally conservative, suburban Londoners expect a tough on crime attitude. He was completely and utterly unprepared for last years riots and has reduced police numbers significantly - so much so that it's noticeable. He's even letting down the people he's supposed to be pandering to.

I guess the most horrific thing about Boris Johnson though is his complete lack of common sense. London is not a profit making company. There's no need to hoard money. It's there to be spent in the City. To create jobs and support for the community. Not like those people who impersonate police officers but real support. Support that keeps teenagers in education, helps single mothers raise their children in a safe and happy environment, and keep fares low so that when people find work they can afford to get to work.



Boris, its time to get on your bike. Ken's not perfect, but he's the better man. Whoever you support this year, whether it's Ken, or Green candidate Jenny Jones or any of the other Left candidates running this year – At the very least, give him your number 2. I mean second vote. You know what I mean.

I support and encourage everyone who can vote to vote on Thursday 3rd of May. Exercise your Right to vote now before your right to apathy becomes your obligation.

Wednesday, 11 April 2012

USA Presidential Candidacy - Santorum drops out of the race to the White House

Something interesting finally happened!


My sincerest apologies for not having covered the last month of the US elections but to be fair, not much had changed, even after Super Tuesday. No doubt the papers had caught on to this, churning out one generic article after another – 500 words built around a single sound bite... Although to be fair, that is all news nowadays.

Super Tuesday's outcome was predictable as they come. Romney did well, winning 6 States. Bible Belt States, of which there were three, were winners for Santorum and Gingrich won in his home state of Georgia.

Gingrich mindlessly continued on, much to the detriment of Santorum's campaign. Gingrich's votes would have no doubt gone to Santorum, thereby granting him a win in many states that he ultimately lost by a small margin to Romney. And so it went on for weeks, Romney clearly in the lead but no one backing down. And then something actually happened yesterday. Santorum announced his departure from the race for Republican Nominee, backing down due to his daughter's health. Would I be cynical to imply that it is an empty excuse to walk away from inevitable failure? Perhaps. Still, his continuing lack of support for Romney has an air of bitterness that quite frankly doesn't surprise me about Santorum.

I fear prematurely declaring Romney's got it in the bag now. The last time I made a concrete statement regarding a US election, had someone held me to it, I would have literally have had to consume my footwear for I uttered these infamous words in 2004, “If Bush wins a second term I will eat my shoe.” Of course I was young and angry, I'd just seen Fahrenheit 9/11 and I had no idea the Democrats candidate had been branded 'out of touch'. And who the hell does Romney have to compete with? Gingrich? Who's so unpopular that he couldn't get a back scratch from a horny gorilla. His refusal to back down, even at this stage, does not sit well with the majority of his Party. And as for Ron Paul? I'm sure the only reason he remains in the race is because he's happy to get the air-time. I'm not particularly a fan of Ron Paul, but I'm happy for him to continue spreading his anti-war message best he can.

Is Santorum out of the running a good thing or a bad thing?

On the one hand, while I have a great many criticisms of Obama, I'm curious to see what he can achieve in a second term in office and, let's face it, I'd rather have a Democrat in the White House than any Republican no matter how flippy-floppy-flakey, sorry I meant to say moderate, how moderate they are. So it could be seen as a bad thing. With Santorum out of the race, Mitt Romney's moderate Republican values are likely to appeal to swing voters unhappy with Obama's tenure. Of course, if this whole charade carries on any longer even swing voters will steer clear of the clearly delusional and gaff prone bagillionaire. But who knows what America will be thinking in November.

Here's the thing though, whether it's bad news for Obama or not, one thing is certain, I'm happy Santorum's stepped to one side because I can't look at his face any more. I was actually starting to sympathise with Romney. That's how much I hate this man. His views on ethnic minorities and homosexuals is appalling. I'm tired of his lecturing on what marriage 'traditionally is'. Yeah, its traditionally about rape and ownership – something he appears to be an expert on.
I've had it with his accusations towards the black community, that they're the main receivers of welfare – because there's no unemployed white folk in the US is there? And his backwards views on education, and health care. He's rich. He can home school his kids and send them to private clinics. What a relief for him because if he was poor or unemployed, according to his rhetoric it would be just fine for his daughter, who suffers from a serious genetic condition, to be denied healthcare. And this war on women's rights is a disgrace. I've had enough of hearing about contraception being against God and children born of rape being a gift. I'm sick of hearing about women with little or no choice, being chastised and abused for making the most difficult decision of their lives. He is one of the catalysts for suffering all across America. For stereotypes that discriminate and make peoples lives miserable. He is a disgusting man and I'm relieved for America that this man is, at least for now, out of public view.

Tuesday, 20 March 2012

Will the Real Mitt Romney please stand up?

This is excellent. Many thanks to Jonathan Paula for posting this on Twitter. Enjoy!


Wednesday, 14 March 2012

USA Presidential Candidacy - Michigan, Arizona and The downfall of Rick Santorum

One British eye on the US Elections: Getting into power is more important than being faithful to your ideology... First we had New Labour, now the US presents New Republicans!

Romney wins across the board in the four elections leading up to Super Tuesday, dubbed that because 10 states will be going to the polls to cast their votes and it just happens to be on a Tuesday!

Romney bagged wins in Arizona with a sizeable lead, in Washington, where Ron Paul came second (he often does better when there's a caucus rather than a primary), in Wyoming and in the all important Michigan. Finishing with only 3% less than Romney, means that Santorum will actually pick up half of the delegates available in Michigan. Any one candidate needs to get 1,114 delegates to win the Republican Party nomination.

Prior to Super Tuesday, its fascinating to see the rise and fall of yet another conservative candidate. Prior to last week, Santorum was seen as a serious contender against Romney. The pressure was on for Romney to win in the state he was born in, Michigan, where his father had been governor during the 1960s. There was quite a few days of back and forth from the press biding for time, mostly because of the two week gap between Maine's elections and Arizona and Michigan's.
The death knell for Santorum's raging momentum came in stages. The first of which came with a poor performance during a pre-election debate in Arizona.
I had previously thought that Rick Santorum was almost untouchable in his crystal clear, tidy whitey Conservatism. Not the case at all. He desperately tried to defend his support for certain bills while he was Senator when Bush Jr. was in power, but to no avail. The biggest 'crime' being his support for No Child Left Behind. A controversial bill that fitted in nicely with Bush's 'Compassionate Conservatism'. It extended the budget of the federal Department for education and vowed to essentially 'leave no child behind' no matter what their ethnicity or social standing may be. Being condemned for supporting a bill that was helping people... Is he not enough of a selfish, racist, sexist, homophobic arsehole, he has to openly encourage illiteracy amongst the poor too?????

Well apparently yes, he does. So he did. Now calling for a decrease in national funding for education, Santorum has been claiming that colleges are nothing but farms churning out liberal left wing hippies – well if going to university or college makes me enlightened and free to make my own educated and reasoned moral choices please by all means burn me at the stake, I'm a danger to society.
He has also been hinting that home schooling your children is a much better alternative to state education – and to that I say, its nice to have the choice but its unfair to impose it or expect it of people. For a start home schooling is only a good idea if parents have the time not only to educate their children but to ensure that they still get to socialise. Also, its often the case that parents aren't always capable of home-schooling their children due to lack of eduction on their part. Its not for everyone. I know lots of cases where children have been home schooled for the right reasons, because of bullying, certain teachers attitudes or it might be the case that actually the school system can't provide the kind of attention some children need. However, when the right wing start pushing the idea you've got to question their motives.
Santorum has educated his 7 children in a controlled environment, and clearly taught them as he and his wife see fit – conditioning their children to believe in Creationism, reject global warming and see any sexual activity beyond reproduction as a sin, that's if they've actually taught them anything about sex at all... I predict a couple of Palin-esk teen pregnancies in their future. I'm sorry, I don't care how much some people live in fear of God, nothing much stops people from humping when the timing is right – its an impulse, and one that Santorum and his missus have acted upon at least SEVEN times – something tells me they didn't plan seven kids... I mean who plans on having seven kids, especially in the West... I mean, an even half dozen yeah, but seven? All I'm sayin'...

Santorum's views have proved to extreme. He's been too honest. He's laid all his conservatives cards on the table and people have shit themselves. Republican's are certain he can't beat Obama. Not only will the independents shy away from him, but even moderate Republicans will think twice about voting for a man who thinks contraception is a sin that should be made illegal. He paints this 'every man', middle class, hard working guy image of himself, but the people who identify with that side of him, hell, they can't afford to have a baby every time they wanna shake the bedroom furniture.
Romney may not always be in line with their beliefs but he has far more potential to beat Obama this November, and his party have realised they have to get behind him or things could go very wrong from here on out.  

Saturday, 25 February 2012

USA Presidential Candidacy - The Daily Show on Santorum's popularity surge



If its not working where you are in the world please check out 'The Daily Shows' Facebook Page for this video and more. They work as long as you are watching them on FB

Saturday, 18 February 2012

USA Presidential Primaries - Santorum gaining momentum in run up to Super Tuesday

Mitt's phaser set to stun... Rick Santorum you're in so much trouble...

Of course by phaser I mean Super PAC and by stun I mean pay out massive amounts of money to say mean things on national television.

So things didn't go so great for Romney a couple of Tuesdays back (7th Feb). Rick Santorum took the Minnesota caucus with a massive 44.8% of the vote leaving Romney far behind with a disappointing 16.9% and in Colorado nudged just ahead of Romney with 40% to Romney's 35% - and by doing so wins delegates for that state who will go on to vote at the national Republican convention in the summer. Santorum also won with a landslide 55.2% in Missouri, who regardless of not having any delegates up for grabs (they decide their delegates later on) still went ahead with a vote anyway, many assuming they just like the press attention.

Sure he cares about 100% of American's, unless your a woman, a homosexual, an Atheist, a Muslim, a single mother... etc... etc...

Despite Romney still being favourite for nomination, Santorum's wins could be put down to the fact that these states are traditionally made up of very conservative, very Christian Republicans. Romney, who is a Mormon as well as being thought of as a moderate, if only because what he says contradicts his actions as Governor of Massachusetts, and the inevitable hate campaign that has made Gingrich very unpopular with housewives the nation over, has made Santorum seem like the most viable candidate. For the people of Colorado, Missouri and Minnesota its a bit like picking thrush over claymidia, because at least you know can predict and diagnose thrush. Ron Paul didn't do too bad either, coming in second place in Minnesota.
However, Paul did lose a little momentum having narrowly lost out to Romney in Maine, an area where Paul has a big following, 39% to 36%. Though Paul, ever the optimist, exclaimed that it was so close it was almost a tie. It was essential for Romney to win Maine after the losses he's suffered earlier in the week.
Turn out was slightly up on last year but it hasn't stopped people from analysing the crap out of it. Despite there being little or no correlation between apathy towards electing a nominee and the outcome of the actual national election, people have continued to discuss what low turn out might mean, and what high turnout might mean, well that's politics for you. All in all, the only useful piece of information I can deduce is that a lower turn out seems to mean landslide wins for Romney. Most Republican's assume that he will win the nomination. Its estimated that around 80% of Republican's would rather have a nominee who is likely to beat Obama i.e. moderate and Pokemon fan Mitt 'gotta catch 'em all' Romney, therefore labelling him the frontrunner. In states where its inevitable that he will win, apathy is high among registered Republicans and turnout is low – thus Romney wins. If there's the slightest inkling that he might lose, as there was in South Carolina, turnout rises as people believe they have more influence over the vote – thus Romney most likely loses. I hope I haven't lost you there, I'm a bit confused myself... Anyhow, Gingrich and Santorum decided not to campaign in Maine but still came out with a small percentage of the vote.

Meanwhile, all the mudslinging and arguing about who's more conservative, who's more concerned about the poor, who's paying his taxes, who's fucking his secretary, who's going senile etc... Obama is up in the polls. Pitted against Romney, Obama is seen to care more about the middle classes. Obama was never going to be a revolutionary. The establishment, let alone his upbringing, would never let him, and he was never going to bring economic prosperity to everyone over night, but if anyone's could land the metaphorical plane in the storm it's him. After all, America simply has to look towards the UK to see that a jump to the right in government while in the middle of economic 'recovery' will only serve to steer the plane into the side of a mountain. There are many of us in Britain who can see the impending cliff side and I know a handful of swing voters who wish they'd listened to me when I warned them that after 13 years in opposition the Tories missed a fat pay-check and their fat cat friends who only appear when their in power - they're not really interested in protecting the public from economic decline.
Furthermore, economic recovery isn't just about policy, its about consistency, and spending the first couple of years in office undoing everything from progress in women's rights, gay rights and healthcare seems to be higher on the agenda for conservative Republican's like Gingrich and Santorum than actually getting the country out of recession, which is likely to waste more time money than their spending cuts will ever save.

The candidates move on to Arizona and Michigan, and we'll know what happens there on the 28th. Romney could lose this one with Santorum hot on his heels and gathering conservative momentum. 


Once Romney's biggest threat, now Gingrich appears to have been sidelined completely after being battered to death by Romney and the power of the Super PAC, bombarding people with Gingrich's adultery, ethical violations as Speaker in Congress and his undignified resignation. His unpopularity has reached new heights with many urging him to drop out and give his support to Santorum. Now, whether Santorum can win the loyalty of conservative voters in the long run and beat Romney to become candidate, or Romney's mighty wallet and that of his filthy rich friend's comes down and squashes Santorum like a bug is a story that is still playing out. 

The latest attack ads from both sides...

But one thing's for sure, the longer this battle continues the easier and more baby-like sleep will become for President Obama.

And I leave you with the controversial, yet honest, comedian Bill Maher in a clip from his show back in October. Hypocrisy is rife in the Republican party... right down to the very belief system they use as a front for their prejudices.. FYI 'The pizza guy' Maher is referring to here is nominee drop-out, one time Tea Party favourite and proven serial groper Herman Cain who once owned a Pizza Chain in the US which he returned to profitability after axing thousands of jobs...